dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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