you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
