yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
