theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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