Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
