Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
