I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
