My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
