In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
