I'm eating all of the evidence.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Let's get the cat blown out
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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