so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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