"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
