Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
