Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
