I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
