curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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