Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
