i just sent this text using only my big toe
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As shirtless as possible
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
