I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
