she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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