Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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