trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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