I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
