I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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