I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
