You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
