A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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