I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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