he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
