We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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