No stitches, just platelets and will power
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
