You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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