made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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