Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
