Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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