Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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