What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
