I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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