dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
