you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
