yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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