She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You are a genius and a whore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
