hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
