he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
