I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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