I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
