no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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