I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
