i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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