She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
