beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
