i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize