all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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