I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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