Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
