Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
