I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
