dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
