shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
