If that was your dad, he is hot
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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