I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
