Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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