a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
