Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I could fuck to npr.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
