Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize