it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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