I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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