Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
