I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
