Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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