we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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