Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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