I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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