I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
