there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
