I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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