I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
