im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
