I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
