she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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