fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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